Pitching or Connecting? 3 Tips for Remarkable Networking Results
By Melanie Benson Strick | November 3rd, 2009
Many years ago I ran a local networking organization in the Los Angeles area. After leaving behind my Corporate job, I craved being around people.
I found myself getting involved in a lot of different associations, networking groups and charities all with the desire to create connections with other movers and shakers in my community.
I loved the connections I made but having to go to a meeting once a month proved too much of a commitment for this freedom-seeking gal.
I left behind local networking groups and started attending live events where education and training for entrepreneurs took place. I loved the energy at live events and began to seek out opportunities to attend and speak (which by the way, living in Los Angeles aren’t that hard to find as at least 2 – 3 events occur every week in conference season.)
After a while I realized that some of these networking opportunities would leave me exhausted while others would fuel my soul. Seemingly very similar, I couldn’t quite grasp what contributed to the exhaustion.
Then it hit me. Some of these events I establish real connections where others I feel like I have to “pitch” something to someone in order to fit the theme of the event. I had to abandon my magic and I felt like a lost bunny in the lion den. I don’t pitch – I connect – and even after 10 years in this business I still have no idea how to do a succinct 30 second elevator speed! No wonder I felt depleted.
One of the events I attend every year is for very high level speakers and authors. A highlight at the event is called “Speed Networking.” The first year I went I was completely exhausted after this segment and felt a complete sense of “less than” energy from the group. I distinctly remember feeling that even though this was a significant group of players in the industry, this was not an event that was worth my time because I wasn’t experiencing my usual magic.
This year the same thing happened. And it finally dawned on me what was happening.
I’m a connector and I’m not proficient (yet) at building a connection with someone in 30 seconds. And truthfully, this event for me is more about learning and growing than it probably will be about making deals and getting new clients!
I instantly made a shift in how I participated in that event. I stopped doing the speed networking and started connecting. The result? I left having created a few very significant new relationships, and the realization that I’d rather have a handful of quality relationships that will actually produce results than hundreds of business cards from people who could care less.
If I distill my connection process down into steps, here are three tips that can make an instant difference in your results:
1. Lead with Your Magic
When you show up at an event, the very first thing you must do is crank up your inner and outer magic. It starts with what happens inside your head. If you are new, are going through a change in your business and aren’t certain how to communicate it yet, or had a significant financial set back and are feeling low, this is crucial. You must get connected to your magic so you can emanate an attractive energy. You may want to meditate or go for a walk and remind yourself of all the amazing gifts you have to give.
Or write out a catchy way to let people know what problems you help solve. Remember it all starts inside. Then, as my friend Joel Bauer says, you must wrap your package (aka what you wear) to be in alignment with your magic.
I’ve often been told that when I walk in a room people notice because I am confident, I wear clothes that catch attention – appropriately – and I smile a lot. I lead with my magic so it makes people want to approach me. Try it…you’ll notice a huge difference.
2. Connect First, Educate Second
Many years ago my good friend Adam Urbanski gave me a tip in networking situations that has served me quite well. Listen first, find out what people need/want, then educate them on what you do that solves their problem. So many times I watch well-meaning business owners “accost” the person they are speaking to with their agenda and never really take the time to get to know what their needs.
Building a real connection creates a reason to continue the transaction beyond that first meeting. If someone feels pitched too they will most likely rebuff your attempts to connect after the event. But when someone feels that you have truly connected and can help them SOLVE their pain, they will be attracted to you and open to furthering the dialogue.
3. Wow With Follow Up
Remember the 80/20 rule? Well it works with the connections you make at live events. Know that the meeting and exchanging of contact information is that sweet “20%”. But what you do in the 80% afterward is where the traction happens.
Let me first be very clear about what you DON’T want to do: just stick someone on your list and forget about them. This just screams YOU ARE JUST A LEAD!
Depending on the level of connection, I recommend you pick up the phone or send a personalized card. You can follow up by email and share with them a resource (we often will send our new friends a copy of the 101 Ways to Triple your Income and Time Off Tool) or an article that may be appealing.
If you are really savvy, you’ll continue to connect with them via a series of automated emails or mailings (we use Send Out Cards to send a series of postcards). Then the next time you meet, you will stick out in their mind with “wow” I remember them!
I’d love to hear any of your tips on how to go from “pitching” to connecting. I’m sure we can all benefit from ways to experience more of our magic as we meet new people. Post them in the comments below.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 10:04 am
Great post!
One thing I’ve started doing is not carrying my own business cards. This forces me to make the first move and contact the other person. I learned that when I used to exchange cards, I would wait on the other person to contact me.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
I love that image of “fueling your soul” at events where you connect rather than pitch. What a perfect description of my experience, too!
Going in with that intention to connect and then educate is also a total fear-buster. It’s not the networking we’re dreading — it’s the pitching. Thanks for a great post, Melanie — and the great tips for effective follow-up.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:20 am
Deanna: Great strategy to make sure YOU follow up! Love it.
Janet: Connecting for me does fuel my soul. Glad it worked for you too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts ladies!
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Thanks Melanie. It maybe my fault but I had stopped reading some of your materials because they became so commercialized This last posts reminds me of your earlier writing filled with insights. Thanks. I will tune in again.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Such a great post. There are a few things I always do – first I look and see who is sitting alone or seems uncomfortable, and make sure I connect with them. I have met some amazing people like this. Second is I send a snail mail card and take the time to personalize it. If I can think of a resource that can help them or introduce them to someone else I do. Third, pick up the phone. No one expects this!
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Love how you phrased point #1 as leading with your “magic.” I carry a card in my purse that has some powerful messages for me and occasionally I have to sneak a peek to remind myself of who I really am!
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
When I first became a coach in 1999 I heard this phrase at a ICF breakout session — Stop Performing, Start Connecting. It made a huge impression on me. Plus, because I’m an introvert I find it a lot easier to be more interested that interesting. Taking that further into the energy aspect, I hear you saying Melanie that connecting can help you manage your energy. Fantastic!
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Thanks Melanie. This topic came up today on a call. Going to send your post out to my clients as their resource for the day.
My take from the University of Wall Street:
If you want short term clients or clients with small projects “pitch”. Know that in the short and long term you’ll be working with clients from hell.
If you want long term clients, define your ideal clients and create relatinoships with them and with people who know them well. Connect with them on a person level, knowing that it will take you months to develop some trust and a stronger connection. It will be worth yoru time it in the long term.
Business cards are your marketing collateral… to be protected… handed out only when you meet an ideal client or prospect or person who asks you for your card! Instead the goal is to have the connection think enough of you to want to give you their cards and meet for coffee.
If you want to challange yourself, which I do from time to time, go to an event NOT giving out your card! Instead your goal is to connect with folks so that give you their card out of generosity — not entitlement — because they want to hear from you again.
But how many times do people say hello and project a business card at me before pitching — more often then I care to say.
I’m on a mission to change sit down networking. The type of events where it’s usual that you pass around your business cards at a table, while someone is talking. When I’m the table host, I have folks pass the cards around first THEN people introduce themselves so that I can write notes on their cards! Writing stuff down, in this situation, while someone doing their elevator speech is talking IMO, is a good thing and shows that you’re interested!
The best question I have for connecting is asking someone I’ve just shaken hands with “so, tell me about you”. Like it did with me many years ago, it surprises people that in the first 7 seconds you want to know more about them personally.
And I have my elevator speeches ready, talking about benefits because for most, the benefits are more difficult to talk about then the features.
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Rhonda, I love that saying! Stop Peforming, Start Connecting! Awesome.
Yes believe it or not, I have some introverted tendancies so being able to connect creates a way for me to use my best energy in networking situations.
Thanks so much for sharing and ALWAYS awesome to hear from such a powerful coach! =-)
November 4th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Great post Melanie! I too often feel the same lack of energy after going to a group networking type of event and never really put my finger on why. I just thought it was because I was more introverted, and although that may be part of it, I think what you have said in your post hits home. I am much better connecting with a few people and hopefully at events I find the right people who share my same ethics and passion and then if that person has a need I can fulfill…well that’s the icing on the cake.
Thanks for sharing Melanie!
November 4th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
So simple and true!
I’m looking for better ways to follow up with people. Email seems to be loosing it’s appeal…everyone just get’s too many emails.
You certainly do lead with your magic Melanie!
November 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Al: Glad to have you back.
Maria: Awesome insights into revolutionizing networking. Wish more people “got it.”
Sheri/Amy: Love hearing more ideas of ways to lead with your magic. Live connections are priceless…and people remember who you are being.
Which reminds me…time to finish my own follow up from last week’s SANG event!
November 4th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Hi, great post – for me connecting means listening, real listening without planning you next question or response.
Connecting before educating is so good and I have working on that for some time.
Thanks , Garry.
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July 30th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Glad to connect here Lance. Look forward to hearing more of your insights and shares!